I was walking to work when I ran into an old, very drunk looking (it was nearing ten o' clock in the morning) Scotsman. He turned to me and said: "Haryaldy?" When I gave him a surprised and slightly confused look, his expression changed from its initial smiling position to a more angry one and he proceeded to exclaim: "Chrupdyalalbre!"
As I'm living in Scotland, I feel obliged to learn to speak at least a little bit of Scottish. Some of my Scottish coworkers have complimented me on my accent (Though it takes me at least two pints to pull it off), but to understand guys like that will probably take a lot more practise. (Or pints)
As I continued my yourney to work, I tried to analyse the sounds that were hurled in my direction just moments before.
H'ar ya ldy?
How are ya laddie?
I say, how are you doing today, my young friend?
Aha! He was merely enquiring about my personal well-being at the time.
Chr up yad*alal&re!
Cheer up ya d*%lal&amp;re!
I say, cheer up you ?????????!
Aha! He was merely instructing me to act a little (or wee bit, as they say in Scotland) more cheeful!
I did learn some actual Scottish phrases, but apparently these are rarely ever used:
(Estimated spelling:) Awee an bayl yer heed!
(Also known as:) Away and boil your head!
Obviously an insult.
(Estimated spelling:) Dannuh gimme de book!
(Also known as:) Do not give me the ????!
(Actual translation:) Don't make me sick!
This concludes lesson one of: "How to speak Scottish poorly, in 625000 steps."
End of days... Ah, who's counting?!